Hi.

I have this little notebook that I write random things in whenever stuff pops into my head. Every now and then, I'll flip through it and read over the little snippets of anger, of happiness, of sadness, of appreciation that I've recorded throughout the years. It's funny because I'll see something about a time when I was furious but I won't even remember what it was that I was mad about. Anyways, as I was browsing through said notebook today I saw something I wrote years ago: "I think we change ourselves because we're afraid to be changed by the world."

I don't understand. Why are people so stupid? Myself included.

Simple Stories.

So I met this guy today named Neil. He goes to NJIT and apparently has gone both skydiving and rock climbing in the past two weeks alone. Now I can't say my life is quite as exciting, but I've realized that some simple stories that pervade my daily life are all that I need. Need for what, I'm not sure - to be happy? to learn? to become a better person? Regardless, I'll share them with you.

Story 1: Today while I was on the bus weaving through the streets of Jersey City, I was staring out my window as I always do when I noticed this guy walking down the street. He was dressed in ripped jeans and a wife-beater, stringy sort of brown hair, bandanna, I suppose you know the type. Anyways, as he strutted (this is really the most accurate word for it) down the street he suddenly stopped in front of a phone booth. He then stuck his hand inside and started rummaging around every nook and cranny, searching for loose change...interesting. A bit cheap, I think. Anyways, a couple of minutes later I got off the bus and was walking towards the light-rail station. There was a woman walking really quickly a few feet in front of me and as she swung her purse over her shoulder, a really nice jeweled bracelet fell onto the sidewalk. A second later, another woman who had been walking past her at the moment picked up the bracelet and yelled out, "Miss! You dropped your bracelet!" and returned it to the first lady, who thanked her graciously. Seeing the first guy stick his hand around in the phone booth kind of made me sad, but I think the bracelet incident put my faith back into humanity.

Story 2: In the Skyscraper exhibit, there's this place where you can build cities out of foam blocks. Someone who had been there earlier had left a little skyscraper that he or she made. As a little girl and her father walked by, the little girl ran up to the skyscraper and knocked it down, spilling the blocks everywhere. The father got really angry, and I mean like red-face, lightening-in-eyes, spitting-lips angry and yelled, "Clean that up!" The girl took one look at him...and ran away. It was the oddest thing. There are a bunch of stands and glass cases and signs throughout the exhibit, and the girl just ran off and started hiding behind them and ziz-zagging through them...like kids don't normally run away from their parents like that. But it got even stranger when the father ran after her and then...caught her. I wasn't watching the whole thing carefully and I couldn't see their full bodies because a sign was in the way but from where I was and what I saw, I honestly think the dad grabbed her by the hair when he caught her. And that just really scared me. I know I sound like such a creeper but I honestly followed that dad around for the next five minutes just to make sure he wasn't some weird abusive person...nothing happened though. Not sure what to make of this story...

Story 3: So the guy I mentioned earlier, Neil, was a really chill guy and I talked to him for about an hour straight cause it was at the end of the day and not many people were in the Communication exhibit, which is where we were both assigned. Anyways, we talked about the Newport Mall, which led to the Menlo Park Mall, which led to East Brunswick, which led to his ex-girlfriend, who lives in Edison. And he told me about how they dated from since they were 15 until they were 20. And that after they broke up he didn't know how to "talk to girls" anymore because "she was all he ever knew." It made me sad...it was an enlightening conversation though.

Story 4: I went running with Jay. Here's a general gist of how it went:

Me: *makes fun of Jay about something, probably his face*

Jay: I bet you stay up late every night just thinking up comebacks to use for the perfect opportunities.

Me: Or maybe my comebacks are just so good that you would think I'd need a lot of time to come up with them!

Jay: Like that!!!

Me: STOP MAKING ME LAUGH I CAN'T RUN LIKE THIS.

So overall, uneventful but quite pleasant day.

The Five People You Meet In Heaven.

I'm sorry for the hateful post from last night; anger from me comes only on rare occasions, I promise. Anyways, to make up for it (even though no one reads this anyways, so I guess I'm only making it up to myself), today's post will be a happy one.

So! It's really amazing how different every individual in this world is. It's even more amazing when you take the time to learn about each of them while learning more about yourself in the process.

One: There's this custodian named Jedel who walks past our table full of blue polo-ed volunteers at Liberty Science Center every day during lunch. We'd always laugh and snicker whenever he passed by because two of the girls jokingly called him a creep for randomly walking up to them one day and asking them their names. Turns out he's simply a very outgoing guy - very outgoing. Today, while walking by our lunch table again, he decided to stop. And started singing. Right there, with a table of ten volunteers as his shell-shocked audience. Dude...his voice was amazing. As in, American Idol finalist-worthy, record label album-worthy, next big radio hit-worthy. Who knew? (Everyone has a secret talent.)

Two: Theodore Alexander! So today I was working in I-Explore, an exhibit for 2-5 year olds. While picking up wheels from the floor, a little boy with huge round eyes and cute girly eyelashes and curly light brown hair came over. "Do you wanna build a car?" I asked. And thus began an hour's worth of playing with Theodore Alexander. We built cars and raced them, made a "cow park" (I have no clue what this is, he made it up) out of blocks, and made pretend food in plastic bowls. When it was time for me to leave, he dragged me over to a stone wall where there were paintbrushes and water for kids to "paint" with water. "I drew this for you," he said, and pointed at a picture of a lopsided heart on the wall. (Children are nicer than adults.)

Three: While in the Hudson Home exhibit, a 30 something year old lady asked me questions about Liberty Science Center and I gave her suggestions on what exhibits her children might like the most, based on their ages, and went on to have a whole conversation with her about volunteering. It wasn't until she thanked me and left that I realized...she was in a wheelchair. (There is nothing different about being different.)

Four: While waiting at the light-rail station for the train to Hoboken, a mother asked me how to buy tickets and which train she should take to go to Exchange Place. After helping out the family, I realized that the little boy was holding a Liberty Science Center gift bag and thus began a conversation with them about how they enjoyed their day, what their favorite exhibits were, etc. Then I asked where they were from...turns out they came all the way from the UK. Incidentally, I spent two weeks in the UK this summer and subsequently spent the rest of our time talking about my trip as we waited for the train to come. (It's a small world.)

Five: The man who sat next to me on the bus today reminded me a lot of my dad. He was asian, dressed like a professor, and carried a leather messenger bag. As soon as he sat down, he pulled a very important-looking hardcover book from his bag and began to read. Ever curious, I sneaked a peek at the page he was on and saw three, maybe four lines of actual text. The rest of the page was filled entirely with long, cluttered equations. The only symbol I could recognize was sigma. (Diligence is admirable.)

None of these people changed my life in any tangible manner, but each inspired me in his or her own way - unknowingly. Now think about it - if I alone could be affected by five people in a single day, surely I can affect at least one person in this world every day. One person a day for another 80 years is a lot of people...

Let's change the world.

And If Love Never Lasts Forever...

Go away, but come back. Stop talking to me, I need you. I feel crazy and lost and I don't know who else to blame it on but you. If my bleeding chunk of a heart had the capacity to hate, maybe you'd still have a place in it. Boy was I an idiot for thinking I could do this alone.

...What's Forever For?

People Watching.

Yo, "people watching" actually sounds mad creepy, but apparently it's a very legitimate euphemism for "stalking" - it even has its own Wikipedia page, so there you go. Anyways, I haven't written here in months...the reason for that is I've been pretty happy with my life, and when you're happy, you don't think so much about things; you kind of just float around in your little bubble and avoid anything that might pop it. Well of course, soapy water can't last in a spherical shape for very long, so in the absence of its protection I've occupied myself by volunteering practically every day at Liberty Science Center.

You'd think that by volunteering there I'd learn a shitload of nerdy stuff and turn into some know-it-all science geek, but I honestly think I've learned a lot more about people than I have about Mars, fusion energy, the Hudson estuary, alligator snapping turtles, AIDS, and skyscrapers. For one thing, I befriended three employees who are all single women in their low twenties who already have kids...makes you wonder what the hell they did in the past few years and what the hell they'll be doing in the next couple of years. I hope they all end up mad rich with successful jobs and lovely children, but I was always a sucker for happy endings.

Another thing I've noticed is how parents interact with their children. You know what I hate? When I see parents letting their 5 year old kids run around in a huge building while they sit there with their Blackberrys. Texting. Like seriously...hang out with your kids, not just for their safety but for their freaking happiness too. But you know what I love? When I'm at the Rocket Blaster station where little kids make their own foam rockets and I hear parents telling their kids, "Say thank you!" when I help them. On the opposite side of the spectrum, one time this mother got so pissed at this other man because she claimed her daughter was on line to play with the model crane before the man's son. Ten minutes later, the mom was still ranting about it while her own 7 year old daughter said, "Mommy, stop making a big deal out of it! It's okay!" That just amused me.

One last thing. It's kind of sad. So I was working in the Skyscraper exhibit today and in the middle of the exhibit there's this beam from the World Trade Center to commemorate September 11th. The beam is bent completely in a U shape to show how hot it must have been for it to have ended up that way. Anyways, I was walking past it when I overheard this little girl ask, "Mommy, what's 9/11 again? I forgot." It was such an innocent question, but it was just so weird, you know? I mean it's not like we were very old either when it happened, but it was still so odd to hear it talked about as if it were some distant historical event...like Pearl Harbor or something. But then...it gets weirder. Literally like 5 minutes later I'm walking past the beam again and this time I see a father and his son. The son asks, "Is this what happened when the plane hit it?" And the father replied, "Yes, that's what the plane did. I was in the building when it happened." I was just like.....I didn't even know what to think. It was such a contrast from what I had just seen 5 minutes ago.

So I think I learn so much more from people than I do from textbooks. I like people...they're cool. Oh, except for Stanley.