So tonight at dinner it was just my mother and I. Not unlike many of our dinner conversations, we got on the topic of college - except instead of finishing my plate with the usual feeling of a sinking heart and the fear of failure, I sat there in a sort of awed confusion.
My mom is mad smart. Whenever I don't understand calc, she'll take a quick glance at my homework and say, "Oh...hmm give me your textbook, I think I remember this," and within a few minutes, perfectly understands the entire chapter. It blows my mind. Whenever my computer crashes, mother comes to the rescue with her troubleshooting skills. And when I borrow astronomy magazines and books from the library, she'll finish reading them before I do and then start asking me questions about them that I have no answers to. And on top of being a genius, she's an amazing artist. All the paintings that we have hung up around the house are hers. But she hasn't painted in a while.
She wanted to be an architect. Came to America, got into college, received her Masters degree. "But you really shouldn't worry about where you go to college," she said as I stared at my rice. "Cause in the end it doesn't really matter. I mean I didn't go to that great of a college but it makes no difference now - I chose not to go to work, and just stay at home. I'm happy with my life." And then I felt really bad. I mean I know my mom loves our family and would do anything for us - from making me breakfast in the morning to solving crazy math problems with my brother to helping my dad publish books. Yet I can't help but wonder if she ever regrets giving up her own interests, her own dreams, to support her family. I hope am a good enough daughter to make her sacrifices worth it.
