I remember when I was little, I used to pretend I was all sorts of things. There was the classic fairytale all girls lived in, of course - being a princess. At 9:00 every night (remember when we had bedtimes?), my parents thought I had gone to sleep. What I really did was sit on my bed wide awake, making sure my imaginary tiara didn't fall off my head while the darkness around me transformed itself into a beautiful, magical castle. But there were other things I pretended to be, too - I lugged my mom's old computer keyboard into my room and clacked away on it for hours. What an efficient secretary I was! I'd even switch between jobs - one moment I was the secretary making appointments, the next I was a veterinarian tending to a stuffed animal white seal (bought it from Sea World) that the secretary had just checked in. I also remember having an obsession with Native American culture - I'd scavenge the backyard for the sharpest rocks and tie them to rubbed and smoothed sticks. (I realized just now that I never made a bow for these arrows, yet they were far too short to be spears, so I'm actually not sure what I was thinking whilst I made them...) I also saved orange peels, which I'd wrap up in dried corn leaves as if I was some kind of a herbal healer. Something less random was pretending to be a teacher; I wrote really creative notes to the parents of students who misbehaved in class. I must have thought I was super cool...
It all sounds childish, but I distinctly remember writing in my diary years ago about all the people I pretended to be. I asked myself why I enjoyed playing pretend - did I dislike reality? Was I unhappy with who I was? In all likelihood, I concluded, I was just bored. But it still makes me wonder - why don't we ever play pretend anymore? Life now is probably tougher than it was then...wouldn't now be the better time to make believe, to get away from the hellish demands of school and self expectations?
I dearly hope I have not lost the ability to dream.
